Dear Dr. Romance:
My boyfriend of a month and a week was planning a surprise for my birthday (he was trying to keep it a secret.) well we got in to a fight 3 days ago and last night I took him back. He was talking to my bff on IM and he told her I took him back and told her he was going to propose to me on my birthday to prove that he loves me, and he was stupid and told me he had a big surprise for me. I didn't want to wait and he wouldn't tell me then he says that she knows so don't ask her.
I did and after about an half hour of begging her to tell me he got online and she told him I was mad cuz she wouldn't tell me. Well I figured it out and I asked her and she wouldn't tell me if I was right so I assumed I was and they were talking about it and he asked her to lie to me and say that's not what he was planning she ended up sending me that part saying damn it she knows please tell her no that's not it she said I'm not fond of lying and he said please. Well I freaked out a little in a bad way. I told him if he is planning to do that to expect disappointment and she said that today he said he was going to ask me any way I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice? I mean I love him but I don't know if I should be his wife after all we have only been dating for a month and a week. Can you help me?
Dear Reader:
Of course you're not ready to be married to someone you've only known for five weeks. Actually, I don't think you're ready right now to be anyone's wife. You need to grow up first. So does your boyfriend, and your friend doesn't sound helpful, either. Talking behind your boyfriend's back, guessing instead of asking, and throwing temper tantrums is not a very grownup way to communicate or to develop a healthy relationship. You both need to calm down, learn to talk about things rationally, and understand what a mature, healthy relationship is. Instead of saying yes, say "I love you, but I don't think we're ready to be married yet." Then work with him (leave your bff out of it) to be more mature about your interactions. "What is a Dysfunctional Relationship?" and "Stupid Cupid" will help you figure out what a healthy relationship is, and how to build one. How To Be A Couple and Still Be Free 4th Edition will teach you how to communicate effectively, make plans and agreements that work, and solve problems together. That's what marriage is really about.
For low-cost phone counseling, email me at [email protected]
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