Dear Dr. Romance:
I want to get your book How to Be Happy Partners because I heard great things about it. I am a retired police officer who has never abused alcohol or been violent. Everyone but my wife says I have a great sense of humor. I have 3 beautiful kids that I love and adore with all my heart. I love going places and doing things with the family since I retired and am being Mr. Mom. I unfortunately have a controlling lovely wife who I just can't deal with anymore. I love her but I can't understand why she doesn't trust me after 10 years of marriage. If I get up in the middle of the night, she questions where I'm going. I tell her I'm going to France to use the bathroom and will be back in a few minutes. She's a nurse and I recently found her in an "Emotional Affair" with a doctor who is also Married. She was staying out late and one night I overheard her cell phone conversation.
I never confirmed this as being anything more then just an emotional affair, but it has affected me to the point that I want out. I have never cheated on my wife but she has thrown stuff in my face about other women. I'm home with the kids all the time, cook, clean, drive the kids to dance, girl scouts, church etc., filling in as the mom, but it's never enough. Every time I leave the house I get questioned.
Does she not trust me because I caught her and she is afraid I will do the same or even up the sides? My kids are my life. When we married we made a pledge that it was for life and no divorce was to ever happen. I went to counseling for answers and she only went once with me. Our marriage is not that important to my wife anymore. We are very lucky to not have financial problems. I don't like to air my dirty laundry to my family because I don't want to hear them talk bad about my wife and the mother of my children and just don't know where to turn to. My friends will tell me "why do you put up with it?" and all I think about is my kids.
Dear Reader:
Yes, your wife may be controlling you because of her own guilt. Perhaps she thinks you love the kids, but not her. I understand that you're hurt and angry and you feel betrayed, but you have a family that is probably worth fighting for. Why not try a different counselor to see if you can heal this problem and save your family. Find a counselor who specializes in marriage counseling and healing from an affair. Then, be upfront with your wife, and say if things don't improve, and she won't come to counseling with you, the marriage will wind up in divorce. She probably doesn't want that any more than you do.
It's clear you're very involved with your kids, but I wonder how the relationship and intimacy with your wife is going. Perhaps she feels she can't talk to you, just as you feel you can't talk to her. With some expert help, you can learn to talk to each other. "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will help you find a counselor who can really help you, who will give you homework and put both of you on the spot when you're creating problems. How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together will help both of you re-connect and can teach you how to rebuild your marriage.
For low-cost phone counseling, email me at [email protected]
Comments