Dear Dr. Romance:
Here’s one for you, I am female, mid fifties, cute and in good shape considering my age. Had been married for 30 years, single 4 years, kids all grown now and I am on my own which is fine. I can manage on my own and I am not a desperate female.
I do get lonely for male companionship, not sex. Not really looking to marry at least not yet. Just want to have some laughs and go places. Have some fun together. Get to know each other.
My trouble is only those who are late sixties look at me and even then they only want a mama to cook, clean and take care of them oh yes and free sex, with nothing in the relationship for me. The younger ones only want the sex and act as though I need servicing.
Geesh! No matter how clearly I tell them or put on my online profile that I simply am not going to put out they still continue to try to force the issue as though I am only teasing them; or I am some sort of conquest. I do not do the bar scene and have not found anyone any better at church either. I am a care provider so no chance of meeting any men where I work.
Are there no males out there who don't have sex on their minds all the time? I am not a prude; I just am not so horny that I have to put out to some darn guy because he needs it.
Dr. Romance replies:
If what you want is a real companionable relationship, you are looking in all the wrong places. A lot of guys on the Internet and in bars are trolling for sex, and they just see you as a piece of meat. Church only works if you get involved in the working life of the church. You need to get a life: get out and do things in a social environment that has content – that is, do things you're interested in -- even passionate about -- that involve other people. That way, the men you meet will get to know you as a person first, and they will be higher quality men, who have lives also. We live in a very media saturated culture, where we are influenced to focus on surface things and not look beneath. But in a long-term, loving relationship, looks very quickly cease to matter, and character is what counts.
Because it's the inside that matters in a love relationship (despite all the media focus on the external) when you have repeated social contact with someone, love can grow without either party really being aware of it. The couple develops a relationship "infrastructure" in an organic, natural fashion, as opposed to forcing it. These relationships often last a long time, because they're reality based. Old-fashioned courtship is what works. "Where is Love?" and "Dating: The Fine Art of “Squirrel Hunting” will show you how. Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today has all the information you need to fix your "searcher" and find a good person who cares.
For low-cost phone counseling, email me at [email protected]
Comments