Dear Dr. Romance: (TM)
My husband who is 39 left me for a girl of 19. Not attractive, a student who works in a cigarette store. He moved out so fast and had her in his life as fast that I'm still reeling 4 months later. We lost our home and have a lot of debt. Why do I want him back? Why do I have hope? I raised his son who is also out of my life (15 years old).
I am doing better day by day but still wish they were here. The girl is at his house a lot. But I keep hearing that it isn't what I think, and that he knows it won't last. I find this compulsion to drive by his house to see if she is there. He had been "talking" to her for a while before he left but when he decided to leave it was fast. I realize this seems like rambling but we lost everything and I am barely making it as he says the same is true for him. So how or what do I do to get through?
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I'm guessing that your husband has been seeing this girl for a while, and he did it as an escape from all the pressures of his (and your) real life. I'm glad you're doing better day by day. This is a good time for you to focus on making friends and staying close to your own family and the friends that you have. Join some activities which will be there for you on a regular basis. You need to get a lawyer and file for divorce. Your husband may have more money than he's letting you know. A lawyer can find that out for you. "Surviving Loss and Thriving Again" will help you move on. "Decisions After Forty: Reinventing the Rest of Your Life" will start you thinking constructively about the areas you need to restructure in your life. The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make after Forty gives you a plan for picking yourself up and starting over to build a more successful and satisfying life.
For low-cost counseling, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org