Dear Dr. Romance
I am 36 and a single dad. For the first time I have met someone who I feel I could spend the rest of my life with. We were together for two months and I know she felt the same way, we both felt like best friends right away, she is also a single parent. Everything was incredible for weeks, us together and with the children. she is going through a divorce, she put a hold on the relationship, said she needed space, The fact that shes going through this divorce which took a nasty turn and also her son started to have lots of problems because his dad stopped coming around and his dad also threatened her if she is seeing anyone he would take her for custody.
I have been alone for a few years. This has gone on for 2 months now and I haven't seen her once. I feel devastated, so much so that I have done the opposite of what she has asked. I have texted emailed and sent letters telling her how much I care about her and miss her so much that it has pushed her away. She said she feels disrespected because I didn't give her and her son time to balance their lives before moving forward in a relationship. She's right but I just missed her so much that I didn't know what to do. She has been in abusive relationships and I am not that way I can't believe she cannot see its just because I miss her so much. I know she is being honest , she is a great person, very honest very involved with the church, she said she had second thoughts of being with a man who couldn't respect that she had to get her life together first. It was very hard being in middle of falling in love and then not seeing them for two months. What do i do?
I'm sorry you're having trouble. However, I can see why your lady friend is afraid of you. You only considered how you were feeling, not what your e-mail avalanche would feel like to her. You have some growing up to do, and you need a life. She has already had a man with impulse control problems, so you frightened her by being out of control. You need friends and support, not just a partner. I suggest you pour your energy into your own family, and get involved in some group activities. Try joining the PTA -- it would be good for your own children, and you would be able to make friends. There you can learn from other women how they would like to be treated.
Leave your lady friend alone. Give her the space she needs. If you haven't frightened her too much, she'll be back when she gets her own life sorted out. In the meantime, take a good, hard look at yourself, and start handling your own problems. You can learn how to control your impulses in It Ends With You and how to treat a woman you're dating in Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences,
For low-cost counseling, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org