Dear Dr. Romance:
I need some advice. I'm a university student and I'm finishing my last semester there and getting a degree in Speech/Communication Studies. I'm also a single mixed-raced person. I worked at a communication firm as an Intern Coordinator. What I have here is that I'm having trouble communicating with this person I know. I have a crush on this person who I met in one of my classes last year. She is now a college graduate. I didn't know who she really was and we started talking to each other and I gave her my e-mail address and she e-mailed me back before her last year of school. Then I saw she has a personals ad. I also have her as a friend on several social networking websites and I texted and e-mailed her. I also have her number but she told me she is not a phone type person. So I don't know what to do. Could you give me some advice about what should I do about her and what can I say to her. I tried to text her but she doesn't respond back to me.
You're working way too hard on this relationship, and you're refusing to take "no" for an answer. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but she's obviously not interested in you. It takes two to make a crush turn into a relationship, and you're the only one in this one. She doesn't want to e-mail you, to talk to you on the phone, or to develop a relationship with you. She's trying to be nice about it, so let go and don't become a stalker. "Letting Go Takes Love" and "When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships" will help you understand why a one-sided relationship won't work.
Force yourself to stop focusing on her, remove her from all your pen pal lists, and look around you. I'll bet there are lots of fine young women right at your school. You only have one more semester -- don't waste it. Date a few women, and don't fixate on just one right away. "Dating: The Fine Art of “Squirrel Hunting” " will help you find someone else. You can't force anyone to love you; it has to be voluntary. Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences will give you the techniques and information you need to better understand the women you date.
Don't stay stuck in a can't win situation. There's someone out there who will connect with you, and you'll be much happier.
For low-cost counseling, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org