Dear Dr. Romance:
Hi, I read a few of your articles. I always find your info helpful and interesting I have been divorced now going on 6 years, I am man in my early 40s, and have been internet dating consistently. Yikes! I never have trouble getting the dates, I've been selective, and have been out with some of the most beautiful in my eyes women (body and soul.)
My last count, I have been on almost four hundred dates, including someone I just met and basically spent the weekend with. It seems like she and I could be a good match, but its still kinda early to tell obviously. I have become quite the online Romeo, yet my love life could be construed as a comic tragedy. My dating has produced some of the most bizarre, yet entertaining stories. Most people urge me to write a book. I am not sure where to look for, or what kind of therapist may most likely be able to help me in this realm. I have seemed to develop an addiction to this internet dating, and my quest to find my significant other. I feel I need to find a professional, who may have understanding and hip about today's culture and the internet.
Any suggestions? Cause I feel like I could use some. Am I stuck in some complex?
Well, you might have become habituated to the thrills of online dating, especially because it's easy for you to get responses. However, as you have found, there is a difference between meeting someone online and dating her, and actually having a real, lasting relationship. Just like someone who eats too many sweets you have to decide if you just want to party or if you want some real nutrition.
You can't learn what you want to know about a potential relationship from meeting online and spending the weekend alone together. I recommend you get off line for a while, and try meeting women in the real world. Join some kind of class, group or association (not a singles group or dating club) that has content, where people are doing things together, and you can get to know someone before you date her and have sex with her. If you do want a lasting relationship, you're going to have to find someone who has a lot more to offer than just sex. And, you will have to offer more, too. The question is, do you want to fool around, or do you want to build a life?
I do think therapy would be helpful to you. "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will help you find a good counselor. "The Fine Art of Squirrel Hunting" is about where and how to look for a true partner. Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences will help you understand what you need and want in a real relationship, and how to get that.
For low-cost counseling, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org