Dear Dr. Romance:
I live and work in NYC. I am 48 years of age, never married but would definitely like to. I am doing the online dating thing for a while now and so far no success. I am currently speaking to a gentleman that lives in the midwest but given he is currently a pilot he feels bicoastal is a good thing for him. I, of course, am open to it. However, it's all still very new. He is going to arrange to meet with me soon and take it from there. Well, I know it's all talk let's see what happens now.
In any event, the primary reason why I am writing is because I get depressed, lonely and get feelings of hopelessness. Sometimes I feel as though what I am doing is a waste of time. It really can be discouraging but I try my best to get on my feet. I have no support structure. My mother passed away five years ago and my father almost one year ago as well. Therefore, I basically have no family accept for a five year old niece that is currently in foster care about to be adopted. I am strongly considering relocating out of NYC. This city has changed drastically since 9/11 and the cost of living has risen tremendously. I think I can get more for the money elsewhere, but that is in the back of my head and remains to be seen. I have a distant aunt in Puerto Rico who is discouraging and advices me to give up on the man thing since nothing works for me. I am not ready to give up. Although I admit it's discouraging I do have fun trying. I am unhappy with work and basically have no friends. Most of what I do to entertain myself I have to do alone and it takes the fun out of things. It's good to have downtime but I have a bit too much. There are times that I just don't know what do with myself, or even where to go as big as this city is. There are but only so many museums you can go to and so many books you can read. It really just comes down to wanting to be with someone.
I just wanted to give you a brief background of my current situation. This gentleman I plan on meeting is 38 years of age and I am 48 years of age. He says he likes older women and does not want a family. It works fine by now I can't have them he doesn't want them so it's all good. What is your opinion on this. I mean it is an 11 year age gap.
I enjoyed reading your article on "The Colors of You" and it made me cry. I am going to purchase some of your self help books but don't know which one yet. I read your article on your defeats an successes and congratulations. Hope to hear from you soon.
I'm glad you liked "The Colors of You" and "Life Lessons"-- I hope you read some of the other articles, too. You need to get a life. If you want to move from NYC, this would be a good time, since you haven't established any connections there, but take care in choosing where you want to life. NYC has a lot to offer that smaller places just don't have. Yes, it would probably be cheaper to live elsewhere, but it won't benefit you if you don't like the place.
I don't think an 11 year age difference is something to worry about, and long distance relationships can work, but one relationship is not enough to fill up your life. Find some group activities to join. If you like museums, every one has classes, lectures, and group activities. Find one you're interested in that has something people come to regularly, and begin attending. After a few sessions, you'll begin making connections with people, and friendships can grow from that. You won't find happiness until you find friends -- they make all the difference in your life.
The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty will help you figure out how to restructure your life.
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