Dear Dr. Romance:
I am a bipolar woman with emotional problems. These problems seem to manifest most lately with my boyfriend whom I tend to blame for everything. I feel super insecure when we are out and he notices other women. He taught me a lot about sexuality and commented constantly about other females and tried to entice me into threesomes, or at least get me interested in having one.
I finally decided after we initially broke up that I was not indeed bisexual and did not care to have a threesome with anybody. Since I love my boyfriend, the thought of seeing him have sex with other women bothers me a lot. He has told me a lot about his sexual encounters, his previous girlfriends and the like. I didn't mind initially. However now, because he broke up with me, I think I don't want to let myself get really attached to him the way I was before. The break up was so painful, I have told him I don't think Ican "forgive" him totally. I realize that harboring these feelings is getting in the way of me being a fully loving person. Recently I found him on a dating site and contacted him anonymously. Well, he proceeded to try and seduce "me." He apologized, but how do I trust him?
Okay, this is just the problem that occupies the front of my mind. Obviously there are a TON ofother issues that manifest within this one from my relationship (or non-relationship) with my father, being hospitalized and having a sense of losing a big chunk of my life due to my condition. It has held me back in so many ways. I have been in therapy previously and it helped me. I need to talk to somebody like you about this. I cannot talk to my friends about it.
Of course you can't trust him. He can't trust you either, because of your emotional problems. The very first thing you need to do is get into individual Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for your bipolar disorder. See my article "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" to find a suitable therapist.
You'll not be able to have a successful relationship until you get your disorder under control. Your boyfriend may be taking advantage of your insecurity and low self-esteem. He doesn't sound like a man who is interested in monogamy. He wants to be free to do what he wants. On the other hand, there may be a number of reasons he likes having you around, so he's lying to you to keep you. You certainly don't sound strong enough to handle a non-monogamous relationship.
You won't be able to do much about this relationship until you get yourself organized mentally. Read "Detox Your Life" to see what's needed. If you were less insecure, I'd recommend you leave him and find someone who will be faithful to you. However, I don't think you're strong enough right now to do that, so it's probably better to not rock the boat in your relationship, and go for counseling first. If you don't want to do that, try joining a CoDependents Anonymous group. You can read more about bipolar disorder. The Real Thirteenth Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance, and Independence Beyond the 12-Step Programs can help you work through your early childhood issues.