Dr. Romance Blog

My girlfriend has a driving phobia

Dear Dr. Romance

I was looking at the articles on your website and I really liked a lot of things that you have to say about dealing with life, ourselves,others, and the interaction of all three.  I am contacting you in hopes that you might be able to provide me with some advice or lead me to a source of advice. Here is the situation. My serious girlfriend (finances prevent her from being a fiancee) is over twenty years old, and has never had a drivers' license. She has attempted to learn in the past, but has not been able to overcome very acute anxiety about driving.  She says the anxiety creates undesired physical consequences and clouded judgement, and she loses control. Although I love her dearly and want to be there for her, this has become somewhat of a burden. She is willing to try to learn again, but is sure that she will never be able to drive.  This mindset is very difficult for me to help her overcome despite my willingness and patience.

If you could provide me with some advice or direction to help resolve this issue, I would greatly appreciate it. Perhaps you can provide a starting point for "self-help" so to speak.

Dr. Romance replies:

I'm afraid "self-help" won't work with this problem. Your girlfriend is having anxiety attacks, exacerbated by her vision problem. She needs counseling with a trained counselor who is expert in anxiety problems and phobias. It's actually a relatively easy problem to fix. Please read the free article"Handling Anxiety Effectively"  and "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely"  Both articles will give you more understanding of the problem and what to do about it.

Voyage on the Amazon to Brazil, Pt IX Boca de Valeria

From Dr. Romance's travel diary: Wednesday April 8

Boca de Valeria, Brazil (mouth of the Valeria river) is a tiny village, quite basic, and when a ship is coming in, tribes from surrounding areas come in to offer things for sale, boat rides, etc. The jungle is beautiful, lush and green here. We can also see the meeting of the waters here, as the Valeria meets the Amazon.

The village is just a small collection of houses, mostly on stilts, with a small brick church atop a pretty large concrete staircase, and an even smaller schoolhouse.

 The schoolhouse was our first destination. It serves 37 children with two teachers. Children attend from first through fifth grade. The single schoolroom was very neat, with the alphabet and some words displayed on the walls, and a blackboard upon which the teacher had written information in English for us tourists. We were invited in our advance literature from Princess to bring school supplies and other things to give away. The teacher accepted all donations gratefully, and would be responsible for distributing cash, clothing, etc to the people.

Outside the school was the path leading into the jungle. We took the path a short distance, and it had little stands set up on both sides with residents selling handmade goods. Children dotted the village, dressed in outlandish native costumes to invite us to take photos, for which we paid $1.

There was also a captive Capybara, a piglike mammal of the area, for us to take pictures. There are little tours of the simple homes, and also men in canoes offering $5 canoe rides on the river.  We chose just to see the school and the church. Once up the giant steps to the church, we found a lovely breeze up there. I commented to other shipmates up there that if I lived there, I'd be very religious and spend many hours in church, because of the breeze. They all laughed, especially Richard. After a refreshing respite in the church, we clambered back down and got back on the tender. While we were waiting for the tender, I bought a little denim bag, hand_embroidered with "Boca Do Valeria" and some flowers. It would turn out later to be perfect for Richard's computer.

On the short ride back to the ship, everyone got very excited to see a pink dolphin. I saw it, very quickly, as it jumped out of the river and back in. They are amazingly pink, and our lecturer says it's because they eat shrimp and crab, and it colors them. Back on the ship, we are again wilted, even though it's only 29 degrees Centigrade (about 78 degrees Farenheit) but the humidity is very high. We get back to our cabin, and find that there's a lot of pink dolphin activity right outside our balcony. We go out and watch for a while, talking to the neighbors on the next balcony, beyond the wall. To our right on the deck above is a pilot's station which sticks out from the bridge. Looking up, we saw the Staff Captain, Michael, who said "Hi" to us. There were a couple other officers up there, too. They were concerned because a pretty big log, complete with roots, was floating on the river, toward the tender which was moored to the ship.

It went right for the tender, cracked apart as it hit, and floated under without damaging anything.  I called up and asked why all the debris in the river didn't damage the ship, and was told "The ship has quite a deep draft, and it's made of steel. We're much more worried about our little fiberglass tenders." OK. Heard and understood, sir. 

After lunch, I went out on the balcony again. What a lovely time! The day was pleasant, the ship was creating its own breeze, and the islands in the Amazon were peacefully drifting by. This is really what I came for, this peaceful, calm afternoon, sailing smoothly up the Amazon, in the heart of Brazil.   

After dinner, Richard and I wandered a bit around the ship before the production show "Dancing" began.
We enjoyed it very much, and then went back to the cabin, to bed. We dock in Manaus tomorrow about noon, and will be there until Saturday. We're looking forward to touring Manaus tomorrow.

I have become quite the online Romeo

Dear Dr. Romance:
   
  Hi, I read a few of your articles through Yahoo Personals website, I always find your info helpful and interesting   I have been divorced now going on 6 years, I am man in my early 40s, and have been internet dating consistently. Yikes...I never have trouble getting the dates..been selective, and have been out with some of the most beautiful in my eyes women (body and soul)

My last count, I have been on almost four hundred dates..including someone I just met and basically spent the weekend together.it seems like she and I could be a good match, but its still kinda early to tell obviously.  I have become quite the online Romeo...yet my love life could be construed as a comic tragedy. My dating has produced some of the most bizaar, yet entertaining stories. Most people urge me to write a book.   I am not sure where to look for , or what kind of therapist may most likly be able to help me in this realm...I have seemed to develope an addiction to this internet dating, and my quest to find my significant other.   I feel I need to find a professional, who may have understanding and hip about todays culture and the internet.

Any suggestions...cause I feel like I could use some Am I stuck in some complex ? 
  
Dr. Romance replies:

Well, you might have become habituated to the thrills of online dating, especially because it's easy for you to get responses. However, as you have found, there is a difference between meeting someone online and dating her; and actually having a real, lasting relationship.  Just like somone who eats too many sweets you have to decide if you just want to party or if you want some real nutrition.

You can't learn what you want to know about a potential relationship from meeting online and spending the weekend alone together.  I recommend you get off line for a while, and try meeting women in the real world.  Join some kind of class, group or association ( not a singles group or dating club)  that has content, where people are doing things together, and you can get to know someone before you date her and have sex with her.  If you do want a lasting relationship, you're going to have to find someone who has a lot more to offer than just sex.  And, you will have to offer more, too.   The question is, do you want to fool around, or do you want to build a life?

I do think therapy would be helpful to you. Here's how to find a good counselor.  "The Fine Art of Squirrel Hunting" is about where and how to look for a true partner. 
The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again  will give you a step-by-step method for dating that will lead to a real relationship.

"GO HELP SOMEBODY, you selfish jerk"

Dear Dr. Romance

i am an addict. long term. i've had some time in AA running what i thought, and what OTHERs even so MUCH reinforced, that when i began to feel like i needed to "leave the nest" a little  (at about five years sobriety), i copped all KINDS of flack from other members, and i had a really  hard time getting anything in my life to "work". but after having arrived at AA in '99 smashed  into tiny pieces from a years-long bout with heroin addiction, the  program helped me put those pieces back together. and pretty well i  might add. but after a while i felt like i was still a bit "sick"  and i could NOT figure out why.

i began to become VERY frightened. a long and slow progression into  hell followed, and i couldn't seem to find ANY answers with my AA  colleagues. "GO HELP SOMEBODY, you selfish jerk", was the usual  party line.

well, i relapsed. again and again since then. it's been about two  years "out" now. today, i'm pretty shot out, i KNOW i have to stop, but i haven't been  able too. so on saturday, i am going to check out a methadone maintenance  program for a while. god knows i don't want to be on THAT stuff forever, but it feels like  my nervous system is so raked, that there's no way i could hold on any other way. but i'll  still be left with ME. and that's the part that i KNOW is going be the most difficult.

i found your book (actually, my father did.), The Real 13th Step, and it sounds like me talking, when i was still sober and feeling kinda okay.

the point is, i need some therapy, because no matter what i do, i'm  still always left with the REAL problem. me. and all the guilt, shame, lack of true confidence, you name it! and there is no torture worse than knowing you are a bright, bright  star, but now allowed to shine.

thank you for your patience with my long letter.

Dr. Romance Responds:

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult journey.  Clearly internal pain is a big component of addiction, especially to hard drugs. It's often a way to self-medicate the pain of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the residual memories of a painful event, or events.  Methadone maintenance is a helpful way to transition from heroin addiction to sobriety, but it doesn't eliminate the emotional problems underlying the compulsion.  Cleaning up from drug addiction is a layered process.  One must get past the physical addiction -- the body's dependence on and cravings for the drug.  That's what usually happens in detox.  Then, there's the habit problem -- the brain patterns established while using the drug.  Habits are powerful -- we need them so we don't have to decide each move we make every day.  However, there are healthy habits and destructive habits.  Addiction, of course, involves a lot of destructive habits. One must learn to replace the destructive habits with healthy ones.  That's one focus of twelve-step programs, like Narcotics Anonymous and  Alcoholics Anonymous.  The program helps you replace destructive patterns with the twelve steps, which are much more constructive. The twelfh step requires giving back to others -- which replaces the destructive self-involved habits of addiction.  One must also replace destructive social enviornments (like hanging out with druggie friends) with more constructive associations. Twelve-step programs provide this through having many group meetings you can attend every week, which gives you social contact and support in addition to the twelve-step learning process.  In the meetings, you are also exposed to the experiences and stories of other addicts who've successfully become clean.  Because relapse is so pernicious in recovery, twelve-step programs emphasize that you are never cured -- relapse is always a possibility, so they say "keep coming back-- it works."

What the twelve step programs are not really about is healing the inner pain. That requires deep therapy, which is what The Real 13th Step: Developing Confidence, Self-reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve-Step Programs,   teaches.  You can use the exercises in it with your therapist, or as an adjunct to your twelve-step group, with your sponsor.  I wrote it when because so many twelve-step members came to me looking for the same things you are seeking. To make your relationships, your work, and your life function properly you need information and healing beyond getting clean and sober.  The Real 13th Step It supports and enhances twelve-step work while giving you the extra deep recovery insight you need.   

I encourage you to find a therapist. My article, "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely"   will help you find a therapist who is knowledgeable.

Voyage on the Amazon to Brazil, Pt. VIII, Santarem, Brazil

Tuesday, April 7

Santarem, Brazil

Bom Dia!

Today dawned earlier than expected, when we were awakened at 7:00 AM by the sounds of a band tuning up! We threw on some caftans, and went out on our balcony to see a high school band sitting on the dock right below our cabin. They began to play the most Brazilian music we have heard since we got on the ship. They played sambas, a medly of Brazil 66 songs, and wound up with a rousing version of "Brazil." It was a bit startling, totally unexpected, and joyous. The band began just a bit raggedly on the first tune, but when all the balcony denizens applauded, they suddenly got better. I think they didn't realize they had an audience, since only earlybird stragglers were coming off the ship. We were samba_ing on our balcony, and having a great time, shouting "Obrigada!" "Obrigado!" (male and female 'thank yous' in Portuguese)

I called and woke Ronit up a few moments after we figured out what was happening. Since she's a music teacher, I knew she'd love it, and I was right. They have an inside cabin, so couldn't hear until they went outside.

Later, at breakfast, we were all samba-ing around --it was such fun.Then, we got it together, and went outside. Whew! Even at 10:00 AM, it was hot and humid, and the sun was relentless. We had to walk about 3/4 mile on the dock to get to the little area of craft stalls and taxis. We found a cab and went into Santarem, thinking we'd see the museum and the Cathedral. The Joao Fona Cultural Center (museum) was small, but lovely and interesting, A young woman who spoke some English toured us around. The first room is a re-creation of the first Assembly room (city government) which is lovely, with a very impressive parquet wood floor, wood carvings on the walls, and a council table and fancy chair for the President. The next room was lined with all the portraits of the Prefectors (Mayors) from the incorporation of the town in 1661. Modern portraits were photos. They had a woman Mayor in 1936 -- pretty progressive.

The next room was a wow! A huge skeleton, displayed like our museum dinosaurs, turned out to be a whale, and not a very big one. The next room was Pre-Columbian pottery artifacts. Truly ancient pottery was displayed here. It's quite intricate, a chief's drinking vessel had small figurines on it, and was amazingly well preserved. The pottery room opened back onto the main entry, and we had come full circle. In the middle of the building was a lovely garden, with all the rooms built around it. 

Coming out of the museum, Ronit and Jacob wanted to walk, but Richard and I knew it was too far for us in the heat. We got a cab to take us to the Cathedral, which was surrounded by a  marketplace. We were disappointed to find that the Cathedral closes from 11:30 AM until 6:00 PM, and we would not get to see it this visit. But, we are coming back here, and hope to see it later. We wandered for a while among the stalls, and soon found the most beautiful offerings were the hammocks.

In Amazonia, people live in hammocks. Beds mildew and are too warm.  Hammocks are easily hung, and can be carred with you on boat trips. They carry your belongings, and provide seating and sleeping space on the boats. Every boat is equipped with rows of strong hooks--and no chairs or benches. According to our Port Lecturer, you bring your best and most beautiful hammock when you travel -- it indicates status. There certainly were gorgeous specimins for sale, from about $25 to $40.

We walked for a while, but the heat was oppressive and the sun was fierce, so when we encountered Ronit and Jacob again, we tried to find a boat to take us on a tour, but no one spoke English, so we got a taxi to go back to the ship. Outside the port were some tour agencies, and Ronit spotted a young man who had been leading tours for Princess in town, and we asked him if he could arrange a boat and come with us to give a tour. After some haggling, we reached a price of $100 for the boat and $60 for our guide, George. This came out to $40 per person, half of what the ship charges, and it would be only the four of us on our own boat.

The boat owner paid for a taxi to take us right back to where we tried to find a boat earlier, and we boarded via the customary plank connected to the boat by being wedged inside a tire suspended by a rope. Scary! George was wonderfully helpful, and said he had taught himself English at home, so he could work part-time for the cruise ship tours. His full-time job is policeman, which he said was a 'steady job.' Touring was less reliable, but paid well. George looked about 20, but is really 27, and has a wife and a nine-month-old baby to support.

Our cruise tour was wonderful! The river has a constantly cool breeze, so the temperature was very pleasant, and the upper deck of the boat had a shade cover. We were totally comfortable.  Santarem is actually situated on the Tapajos River, a tributary to the Amazon. The Tapajos is a 'black' river, which means the water is clearer, but tinted dark like tea from submerged

vegetation. The first thing we saw was the "meeting of the waters' where the cafe-au-lait colored, silt-laden Amazon met the clear, black waters of the Tapajos. The waters have different acidity levels, density and speed, so they run side by side for several miles before they are able to mix. We passed igapos --flooded forests. These are trees and grasslands that become submerged in the wet season, which began early this year. Islands of floating grasses and lilies with trees in the center greeted us with the call and the flight of many birds. We also saw houses on stilts, and a charming little church just standing in the water, where people obviously just paddle their canoes up to the front door. We saw ducks, herons, egrets, buzzards and many other species I didn't identify. We came close to the elusive pink fresh-water dolphins, but never actually saw any. George told us a charming dolphin myth: Dolphins love parties, so when there is a big party in a house in the river, the dolphin changes into a man who wears all white, even his shoes and hat. He joins the party, and nine months later, when an unmarried girl has a baby, she can blame it on the dolphin, which is magical, and her parents won't yell at her. Of course, there is no father to be found, because the dolphin changed back into his normal shape after the party.

The river tour gave us a glimpse into the life of the people who live in the river, and sightings of many birds and flowers. A totally enjoyable day.  After we disembarked, George found us a taxi, fixed the price for us, and said good-bye. We got back to the port, shopped for a few minutes at the little market, and then walked the hot 3/4 mile back to the ship. By the time we got on board, we were wilted and exhausted. We went up for a bite to eat, and dropped into bed for a nap.

Richard and I napped so deeply that we had a hard time waking up, and were late going swimming, but the pool was glorious-- warm, salty, soothing and refreshing. We went up late to the Pacific lounge and got in one dance, then on to a lovely dinner, where the Maitre d' made Bananas Foster in the dining room.

We stumbled back to the room, made it upstairs to download e-mails, and then back here to write this. I'm falling into bed very soon, because we have another early day tomorrow, at Boca de Valeria.

Was there anything else I could have done?

Dear Dr. Romance   
Recently, I have gone back to on-line dating but have some very strong concerns.  I just severed a 5-year relationship with a man who seems to have an internet addiction.  He worked from home and was constantly on the porns and personals (by looking at his History).  The internet was rather an intense issue for me making me distrusting our relationship.  We at one time came to an agreement that there would be a limitation with the porn.  But over the 5 years, I came so mentally, emotionally, and physically drained that I was seeing two therapists this year for counseling and medication.  He said that he has it under control.  So while I made arrangements to move out of his house, he was trying to hook up with men for sex.  Then he met up with an out-of -state woman by IMing and now has pursued a business and sexual relationship working on a patent to  have a monitoring device to protect women against sexual assault.  Was there anything else I could have done?  This was a very painful experience for me, but it seems that he just moves with one situation to another with no repercussion.

Dr. Romance responds:

You're right to have some doubts about Internet dating and addiction.  It's a very big problem these days, lots of people in my office with Internet addiction problems.  One thing you can do is make sure whomever you meet is connected with people face to face, has friends and goes out to see people and do things with friends.  People with no face-to-face social connections usually have problems.  How a person relates to you is important, but it is not the only important thing.  Healthy people have social networks and friendships. They have interests outside the home. 

For better understanding of how to keep yourself safe and to find a healthy partner, read these free articles on my website:  "Stupid Cupid"; "Where is Love?"  and "How to Keep Yourself Out of a Violent Relationship"  The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again is a manual that shows you how to make dating fun, safe and successful.

I am not sure if I am considered his "girlfriend."

Dear Dr. Romance:

Status confused  I met a really great guy online a few months ago. We see each other about once a week, or once every two weeks. He is always doing things for me like working on my car and helping me out in any way he can. However, I am not sure if I am considered his "girlfriend." I also feel like I cannot bring this topic up with him without scaring him off. How can I be sure of my relationship status with this man? Do actions really speak louder than words? And how do I broach the subject to find out if he thinks of me as his girlfriend?   

  
Dr. Romance  answers:

If he's working on your car, it's a good sign. Some men show their affection by doing things for you more easily than they can find words. Also, this man may be slow to make up his mind about his feelings. It's important to appreciate what he's doing for you, and let him know that you are grateful.  If things are going well, count your blessings, and don't push for change too quickly.  I could understand this anxiety if you had been together a year or more, but not in just a few months. 

I understand that you'd like to know the status of your relationship, but it's important not to push too hard. Being in a rush to clarify things can work against you.  You may need to help him understand and express his feelings. Choose a relaxed time, tell him you are really enjoying your time together, and ask him how he feels about it.  Use my "Guidelines for being better understood" as a guide for keeping the conversation going well.

Ask him if your friendship is going as well as he would like, or if there's anything you can do for him. Then, whatever he answers (which may not be much, if he has trouble putting his feeling into words), just let the conversation go to other topics. This will give him a chance to think about how he feels about your relationship. Wait a week or two, and try again. It is still early in your dating situation, so take your time and let the discussion grow. If the situation continues  until you're dating for a year or more, it may then be time to ask directly. However, I think if you follow the gradual, low-key method,
you'll find out how he feels and what his intent is long before a year has passed. Try to avoid the dreaded "We have to talk about our relationship." It's less intimidating if you ease into it as part of a normal conversation.   Following the "Guidelines for Being Irresistable to your Mate" will help you create a relationship that both of you will cherish. 

You might want to read How to Be a Couple and Still be Free  for more strategies to create a healthy, loving relationship.

 

Voyage on the Amazon to Brazil, Pt VII: Meeting of the Waters

 From Dr. Romance's  travel journal: Monday, April 6
On the Amazon

A lovely, lazy morning. We're really enjoying having our balcony, where we watch the Amazon flow by, and take pictures.

There are a lot of clumps of floating vegetation, roots attached, and we even saw a log float by. The river is many miles wide so the banks can't be seen, but there are many jungle-covered islands, which give the illusion of banks.

The Port Lecturer tells us the difference between jungles and rain forests is that you can't walk in a jungle without cutting your way through. He explained the much-mentioned "meeting of the waters": The chocolate-colored Amazon is much denser, and has a different Ph from the ocean or the "black rivers" (which we'll encounter later) which are clearer water, dyed dark like tea from the vegetation.  So, it takes several miles for the waters to mix, so we see the two colors of water for a long time before it's completely the Amazon.

The ship dropped anchor briefly at 6:00 AM at Santana to take on two river Pilots who will navigate the Amazon for us.

The Amazon is the largest river in the world by volume, with a total river flow greater than the next top ten largest rivers flowing into the ocean combined. The Amazon basin (area that feeds the river) or Amazonia, covers more than two and a half million miles, or some 40 percent of South America.  It releases up to 300,000 cubic meters per second into the Atlantic, and it's responsible for one fifth of the total volume of fresh water entering the oceans worldwide. There is a debate over whether the Amazon or the Nile is the longest river in the world, depending on where geographers measure the source of each.

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm here, in Brazil, South America, sailing on the Amazon River; but just going to the open deck and feeling the warm and humid air is demonstrable proof. It's about 84 degrees Farenheit (29 degrees Centigrade) and the humidity is 88%.

Omygosh! The Amazon disappeared! While we were at lunch, enormous rain clouds came over,and a downpour began. The fog was soon so thick that we couldn't see more than a few feet away from the ship. Everything else was invisible.

The Captain, dressed as King Neptune,  presided over the "Line Crossing Ceremony" (crossing the Equator) this afternoon which we have done before. It's a lot of silliness, with King Neptune imposing initiations on "tadpoles" who have never crossed the equator before, to turn them into "leatherbacks". This one involved whipped cream, being hosed off, and then thrown into the pool.

 This is the last formal evening of this first leg of he cruise, with a production show called "Words and Music" which salutes composers and lyricists from Berlin to Sondheim. There will be a Champagne Waterfall after the show. A big night, and tomorrow at dawn, we dock in Santarem, our first port in Amazonia.

I regret not telling her how I felt

Dear Dr. Romance:
   
I was very attracted to a lady and I did things for her with out asking for any thing in return.   She was single and I fixed her jeep, I put down new linoleum in her kitchen for her, we did go out together for drinks, dinner, dancing, movies as well as other things together.  However, I never did try and kiss her or tell her how I felt or what I wanted.   She broke my heart when she went out with a guy and then told me she really liked him a lot.  I stopped seeing her and as it turned out she married the guy 6 to 8 months later.  I did get an invite to the to her wedding, but I did not go.  I regret not telling her how I felt; but it is hard to talk about my feelings to any one.  I know that I should have but I never did.  Even today 10 yrs later I wonder what happened to her and him.  I know that they moved to a town south of here and bought a new home there after she sold her home here.  And I have not done that for any women since, I felt used by her.  In all the years since then, I have not dated or really found any one that I was that attracted to.

Dr Romance responds:

You are not alone, there are lots of guys like you, and gals don't really understand what's going on.  Rather than nursing your hurt and resentment (feeling used) I think you'd be happier and better off if you learned from your experience, and decided you have to learn to communicate your feelings with words.  You don't have to get all flowery, but you have to manage to stammer out "I have feelings for you" if nothing else.  Once you've had car repairs and linoleum in common, it's time to stop waiting around for her to catch on, and stand up and tell her to her face.  The lady in question may have been as frustrated as you were, and may even have told you she was going out with someone to get you to declare your feelings. When you didn't, she felt free to move on. 

You sound like a great guy, one of the good ones, and it's sad that you can't let a lady know that you like her -- you don't deserve to be alone, and your closed mouth is the only thing standing in your way.  Please read my article: "Asking for What You Want" for some ways to do it, and ways not to do it.

The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again was written just for people like you, who have been hurt and stopped trying. You'll find it very reassuring, and if you follow all the steps outlined in the book, I guarantee you'll find the love you are wishing for. 

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Here's what's happening in the Neighborhood:

Dear Dr. Romance:

I wanted to thank you once again for your advise which still helps us today. We've been able to take care of the many things we couldn't agree on through compromise, respect, and love as you advised. I hope all is well with you. I remember you had said at the end of our session for us to call you if we have anymore questions.  I recently came across the Dr. Romance blog page "Getting Out of your Way," which lead me to It Ends With You:  Growing up and out of Dysfunction.  Your materials come at a time of rapid and active recovery for me, out of trauma and later post trauma, and they feel like the voice that says, "It's okay.  Not only are you okay but here's why."  And bless your heart, your writing is accessible and friendly.   A heart-felt thank you.  Your writing is helping me get through my final laps on what has been an incredibly adverse journey.

Dr. Romance Responds:

Thank you so much for writing, I'm so grateful that the counseling and the book were helpful, and I appreciate your writing to tell me so.

I just wanted to say thank you for the article you wrote Dating 101: Do Opposites Attract? May 22, 2009.  I just read it today and you have really made my day.  I'm currently in an interracial relationship with a wonderful man from Africa.  Not only are we from different races but he is Muslim and I am a Roman Catholic so it makes it a little more interesting.  Unknowingly we have been following the guidelines you have written in your article and so far we are doing great.  We have discussed his family and background and my family and traditions we share.  We have talked about getting married and I am very excited about our future together. 
 
I think your article was very uplifting and people in any kind of relationship could take the advice to let the small things go and don't pick each other apart.  Again, Thank you for your wisdom and sharing it will Yahoo and myself.
 
Dr. Romance responds:

Thanks for your kind comments on the article. I work with multi-cultural couples frequently in my private practice, and I agree that mixed relationships can work. 

Dr. Romances Articles online:

 "Dating 101: Do Opposites Attract?" is up on Yahoo!Personals

"Seven Signs Your Partner is Cheating" on So-feminine (UK)

"Dr. Romance: Bored with your Sex Life? on Divorce360.com

(see all Dr. Romance articles on Divorce360.com)

Dr. Romance has two articles in the current print issue of Going Bonkers