Dear Dr. Romance:
I was very attracted to a lady and I did things for her with out asking for any thing in return. She was single and I fixed her jeep, I put down new linoleum in her kitchen for her, we did go out together for drinks, dinner, dancing, movies as well as other things together. However, I never did try and kiss her or tell her how I felt or what I wanted. She broke my heart when she went out with a guy and then told me she really liked him a lot. I stopped seeing her and as it turned out she married the guy 6 to 8 months later. I did get an invite to the to her wedding, but I did not go. I regret not telling her how I felt; but it is hard to talk about my feelings to any one. I know that I should have but I never did. Even today 10 yrs later I wonder what happened to her and him. I know that they moved to a town south of here and bought a new home there after she sold her home here. And I have not done that for any women since, I felt used by her. In all the years since then, I have not dated or really found any one that I was that attracted to.
Dr Romance responds:
You are not alone, there are lots of guys like you, and gals don't really understand what's going on. Rather than nursing your hurt and resentment (feeling used) I think you'd be happier and better off if you learned from your experience, and decided you have to learn to communicate your feelings with words. You don't have to get all flowery, but you have to manage to stammer out "I have feelings for you" if nothing else. Once you've had car repairs and linoleum in common, it's time to stop waiting around for her to catch on, and stand up and tell her to her face. The lady in question may have been as frustrated as you were, and may even have told you she was going out with someone to get you to declare your feelings. When you didn't, she felt free to move on.
You sound like a great guy, one of the good ones, and it's sad that you can't let a lady know that you like her -- you don't deserve to be alone, and your closed mouth is the only thing standing in your way. Please read my article: "Asking for What You Want" for some ways to do it, and ways not to do it.
The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again was written just for people like you, who have been hurt and stopped trying. You'll find it very reassuring, and if you follow all the steps outlined in the book, I guarantee you'll find the love you are wishing for.
