Dear Dr. Romance:
I am a 25 year old gay white male. I have finally come to grips with my sexuality, and it has been very rewarding. Unfortuately, I am not the Tom Cruise look alike. I am a little overweight which I am working on soling. I have lost 20 lbs and am looking a little better.
Recently I met a friend of mine's boyfriend. He and I just hit it off great. We have everything in common, and we love spending time together. He is the most caring person I have ever met. Recently he broke off his relationship with my friend, and he is once again single. He does not know how I feel about him, but I don't know if telling him how I feel is good or bad. I am so afraid it will destroy the friendship that we already have. I really care about him, but I am afraid he is not attracted to me. Not a whole lot of people are attracted to me, so I have lived my life single. Should I tell him how I feel or what? I would love to know your opinion.
Dr. Romance responds:
Congratulations on coming to grips with who you are. Coming out is a growth process, and takes some time. I am glad you care enough about your friendship to be concerned. That's a good attitude. I don't know how long you have known your friend, but I suggest you ask him some questions that will allow him to let you know how he feels in an indirect, safe way.
"What are you looking for in a relationship?"
If the description of who he's looking for sounds like you, that's a good sign. If it doesn't, then maybe friendship is all that's available.
"What do you think the difference is between friendship and love?"
You should be able to get some clues from his answers about how close your relationship with him is to love. You can ask these questions under the guise of wanting to learn about relationships, and wanting to know how Rob feels about things. Find a time when you are just hanging out, and ask him. You can also ask him about his relationship with your friend, and whether he's over it or not. If he's not, then he's not ready for a serious relationship with anyone, including you, yet, but things could change. My book, Gay Relationships: How to Find Them, How to Improve Them, How to Make Them Last will help you understand how same-sex relationships work, and how to build a good one.