Can short guys date?

Hi Tina,

I'm a 5'4" 34yr old male. I've searched online dating sites for a few years now and read thousands of women's profiles. In doing so, I recognized a peculiar trend in women's descriptions of their ideal mate. It's exhilarating to read about a woman who mirrors my ideal match in all ways. I'm not very picky so several women meet that criteria. My excitement is soon quelled when it comes time to read about the person she's looking for, because I know what's coming next. She want's someone taller than I. From the shortest to the average height, most women I find in the personals don't seem to want someone around 5'3". I've seen woman equal to my height and a few inches shorter looking for guys no shorter than 5'7" and they don't seem to settle for less. I've also seen women as short as 4'9" looking for guys 5'10" to 7 foot. That's gotta be something to see.

So I have a few questions; Why do women prefer men taller than themselves? Why do short women prefer men much taller than themselves? Am I cursed with the "taboo" height?

Dr. Romance replies:

Yes, you're discovering the same trap that any of us who are not media_perfect can fall into. Personal ads are way too focused on the outside, and not enough on the inside. Any woman who'd turn down an otherwise great guy because of a height difference deserves what she gets. If you see a great ad, I advise you to ignore her height requirement, and answer the ad anyway.  Everyone in the personals is talking about ideals, but, face_to_face, people can be a lot more accepting.

Don't lead with your height, figure out what else is attractive about you and lead with that. If you're answering online ads, your writing counts. Quote poetry, be witty, and respond carefully to whatever she writes to you. Make sure you let her know you can hear what she's saying. That's the most attractive thing to any woman. You aren't the only short man out there, and others have found their mates. You can, too.

For more detailed information on how to date online, read The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again

Comments

[Jen]

Hey "Short Guy",

The height prejudice you've noticed on dating sites works the other way around, too... I'm female and a petite 5 feet 1/2 inch tall, and have noticed that men on dating sites, even ones who are 5'7", routinely cut-off their potential mate's height at 5'3".

I've found that, rather than lie about my height online, the best way to overcome this obstacle is to not be shy and regularly interact with people in public places (coffee shops, pubs, grocery stores). Height is not as much of an issue when you've already started a pleasant conversation with someone.

Plus, fashion is on your side right now -- guys can still wear chunky shoes that give them an inch or two, and women have ditched their heels for ballet flats!

[Joan Price]

When I was single in my forties and fifties, I encountered age prejudice the way you're encountering height prejudice. Even men older than I was would specify that they wanted much younger women. I was in good shape, looked and acted youthful and perky, but that age thing cut me out.

So I decided to meet people doing what I loved doing -- dancing -- instead of trying to "find someone." It worked -- I met the man of my dreams on the dance floor. He, incidentally, never responded to personals ads, either online or in print, so I never would have met him the way I was going.

By the way, I'm under 5 feet tall and have never cared one way or the other about the height of a date or potential date.

Joan Price

Author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (Seal Press, 2006, http://www.joanprice.com/BetterThanExpected.htm )

[tinatessina]

Great advice, Joan! I frequently recommend the 'get a life' dating method, and that's what you're describing. It worked for me, too!

Joan carries out a great discussion about sex after 50 on her blog athttp://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/