Dear Dr. Romance:
My best girlfriend ever and I dated for about eight months, then had a long distance relationship when she went back to her home country. She just broke up with me over email and she is dating someone from her home city for the last month. I thought we were very happy and serious and our best things were chemistry and compatibility!
We are on talking basis now, but very much less these days; mostly through emails and sometime over phone. Our relationship was in trouble for a couple of months when I was traveling for a month where i rarely had access to net or phone. When I came back , she wanted me to make some big and quick commitments, which I could not do straightaway out of foolishness, being too busy with work and solving friends problems.
She is in a classic rebound relationship since she is in denial and wants to escape the pain, fill up the void left by the break up, she wants someone just for companionship, togetherness and for her own happiness & comfort. She did this in her excessive obsession to move on. I am no expert on these but I want to have hope, faith, be strong, postive, happy, control of my emotions to be normal but try one final time for us to get back together! am i that wrong? every time there is a break up, people should just give up and move on and never try again? is it like some course/job/training/furniture that it did not work so just chuck it?
We both still love each other and we know we shall never come across with whom we can click as much
and be as much happy! what should I do? less contact/regular contact with her? i know i need to be strong, calm, composed and patient! I try to be positive! but the feelings and memories somedays are too much to handle!
What should i do? I believe in the old style saying - if something is broken try to fix it! just dont replace it! How can I win her back without hurting her? i love her, her happiness and care about her! i wish her happiness but i also know and feel she would be most happy with me!
Your letter outlines the classic problems that beset long distance relationships. Couples get out of touch and forget to consider each other's needs, wants and feelings. I'm sorry you're having a tough time.
Unfortunately, there's not too much you can do as long as your ex-girlfriend is involved with someone else. I agree with you that it sounds like a rebound relationship and it probably won't last.
It's good that you're realizing that you made some big mistakes, and that's where you can begin. I agree that you need to " have hope, faith, be strong, postive, happy, control of my emotions" Take enough time to analyse what your part was in ruining your relationship, and what you need to do, or what thinking you need to change, to make sure that you don't repeat that mistake. Keep focused on the fact that you might have your relationship right now, had you acted in a more reasonable and mature manner. If you focus on becoming more emotionally mature.
You're right that her rebound relationship is not likely to last, but you can't hope for any reconciliation with her until that happens. If you want to wait and see, you'll need a lot of patience. I'd suggest, if you can, you wait up to six months only. If her relationship lasts that long, it would probably be time for you to move on. If her relationship does break up, "The One Who Got Away" will help you know
what to do to make sure you rekindle your relationship effectively. Whether you get to put this
relationship back together or you begin a new one, "Keys to a Happy Relationship" will help you figure out how to make it work. If you continue to be in a long distance relationship, The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close when you're Far Apart has the information and skills you need to know.
For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com